Establishing social validation is the thoughtful effort of shaping perception aimed at producing a rectifying response. You may not realize this but social validation is something you experience every time you encounter someone new.
The difference between keeping a stranger engaged for a minute or a whole conversation is marginal. The sad truth is most often we aren’t afforded the time to respectfully share who we are.
Social validation is a compass we have in our brains that tells us what’s good, what has value, what is helpful. our brain refers to this compass when he is uncertain about something, that moment we start looking for the opinion of other people to tells us if that something is good or bad.
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We are social animals. We all have an innate desire to belong to a social group. It is precise because we value this sense of belonging so highly that the more other people find an idea, trend, or position appealing or correct, the more correct that idea becomes in our own minds. The Rule of Social Validation recognizes and builds on our innate desire to be part of the main group. It also recognizes that we tend to change our perceptions, opinions, and behaviors in ways that are consistent with group norms. Even if we don’t admit it, or maybe even realize it, we care about what others think. As such, we use others’ behavior as a guide in establishing the standard for the choices and decisions we make.
We seek to find out what others are doing as a way of validating our own actions. This method is how we decide what constitutes “correct” behavior. We see the behavior as more correct when we see others doing it. The more people do it, the more correct it becomes.
Social validation compels us to change our behaviors, our attitudes, and our actions, even when what we observe doesn’t really match our true feelings, style, and thoughts. We go against our better judgment because we want to be liked, accepted, and found in agreement with everyone else. When we are part of a crowd, we “no longer feel individually responsible for our emotions or actions. We can allow ourselves to shout, sing, cry, or strike without temperament imposed by personal accountability.”
We seek out social norms to help us know what we should be feeling or doing. For the most part, this is not a conscious process. We subconsciously accept many ways of behaving that are determined by our surroundings and the actions of others, such as raising our hands to speak in class, how we behave at a concert, or how we act at work because of the corporate culture. When we become part of a group, our once divergent emotions and feelings tend to converge.
Seeking social validation from other people means that a person is uncertain about his own value so he starts looking for it from other people and since “not having value” is not an answer that our brain will accept, it only accept the answer of “ you have value” or in other words being “validated”.
If you want to stop seeking social validation from people, you have to validate yourself, and find that high value from within yourself, you have to dig deep inside yourself and do some soul searching to really understand what makes you unique and great on your own, when you have a clear image of who you are and why you matter, you will no longer refer to people to tell it to you.